Couples tend to run money one of three ways: everything joint, everything separate, or a mix. The mix is the one most people land on after a few years, and it is the one that needs a little design.

Yours, mine, ours

Each of you keeps your own account. A shared pot holds the things you would never argue about: rent or mortgage, groceries, bills, the dog. Everything else is private, and no one has to explain a pair of trainers.

How much goes in

Equal amounts are fair when you earn about the same. When you do not, pay in by proportion. If one of you takes home £2,600 and the other £1,900, a 58 / 42 split leaves each of you with the same share of your own pay.

Payday, not month end

Set both standing orders for the day after payday. The pot is full before the first bill leaves it, and what remains in your own account is yours.

• Review the amounts twice a year, not every month
• Give the pot its own card and keep it in both phone wallets
• Put a small buffer in: one month of shared costs is plenty

Money stops being a conversation when the shared part runs itself.

The grey areas

A weekend away, a sofa, a present for somebody's mother. Agree a line, for example anything over £150 gets a mention first, and pay for those from the pot as well.

Saving together

Open a second pot with a goal and a date: a deposit, a wedding, three months of costs. Watching it fill together does more than any budget meeting.

If you earn in different rhythms

Freelance income arrives in lumps. Top the pot up when an invoice lands and let it carry you both through the quiet month.